| | Ok, I wrote this for Teo's Facebook, but I wanted to have it here, as well, just so that others can read it if they wish. Also, it's been pointed out to me that Maoism actually exists, so--if I were to do it over--I'd probably rename it Miaoism.
Recently Foodgiver, Nicelady, and I have been discussing religion a bit. I found that they are woefully ignorant of the major cat religions even though they are fairly well versed in human religions.
I wonder if other humans are as inadequately informed as my pets are, so I'm offering this as a simple introduction. This is not all-encompassing, but it is a good primer.
I'm not sure how to organize these, so I'll start with the more common religions and then branch out from there.
Chewdaism This is one of the oldest religions. It holds that cats are God's chosen species and are waiting for the Mewssiah to come and lead them to take possession of the Promised Sandbox in the Middle East.
Catsian The Catsian religions hold that the Mewssiah has already come. Rather than leading cats to a Promised Sandbox somewhere on earth, the Promised Sandbox is a reward in the next life. It also holds that all species are precious to God.
Here are a few of the major Catsian religions.
Catolic This is what I am, and it is the oldest of the Catsian religions. It holds that the Mewssiah asked some of his followers to continue to lead and teach while he's away preparing cat beds for us in the next life. The leader of the Catolic Church is The Potato.
American Cattist American Cattists believe in soul freedom: the idea that all cats are free to determine their own paths in life as long as they adhere to the teachings of the Mewssiah.
Southern Cattist Southern Cattists believe in following the recorded teachings of the Mewssiah in a very fundamental way; however, the teachings are open to interpretation and can lead to scandal when the leaders of the Southern Cattist Conference seem to show favoritism in their interpretation. Who can forget when they said that Garfield had not committed the sins of gluttony and sloth?
Mewslim Mewslims believe that God provided a revelation to his prophet Mewhammad about one thousand years ago because his teachings had become confused. Mewhammad was told to bring all cats together again in one religion.
Bootsism Sidcatha was the cat of a very rich family, and he was supremely spoiled; however, one day after getting outside despite his family's attempts to keep him inside, he saw three sights that made him realize that the world was much more than just being spoiled. He changed his name to Bootsa and began teaching the importance of the Litter Path, which is about balance in a cat's life.
Maoism Originally from Asia, this religion teaches that cats need to find balance with each other and nature, which is managed through moderation, compassion, and humility. If you know cats at all, you can see why this can be a very hard doctrine for us to adhere to.
Morrisism Begun in America, this religion was founded by Jaguar Smith, Junior, after he claimed to have been visited by the angel Morrissey. Morrissey said that the Promised Sandbox was not in the Middle East but in America; Jaguar Smith gathered up some of his followers and began traveling across the North American continent. Cats being what they are, they eventually settled in the first desert they came to and called it the Promised Sandbox.
Wickittenism Wickittenism is a nature-based religion. Its followers believe in a pantheistic godhead, usually a god (traditionally the Horned Tom) and a goddess (traditionally the Triple Queen). They believe in communing with nature through the use of magic and other rituals.
Cattite Cattites believe that cats have become too dependent upon humans and human technologies. The first Cattites specifically protested can openers and cans of gooshy food which made cats lazy and less likely to hunt. Of course, many Cattites abandoned the movement when they actually tasted gooshy food for the first time.
Catsatru Followers of Catsatru believe that cats are a superior species and must follow the old gods who most favored cats, usually the Egyptian pantheon. Most followers use Catsatru as a way of showing pride in their species, but there are some on the fringe who are cat supremacists and feel that inferior animal species must be eliminated, which would mean the elimination of dogs, hamsters, gerbils, fish, humans, primates, marsupials, invertebrates, etcetera. Basically, anything not a cat.
Catheist Catheists believe that there is no higher power than cats.
Catnostic Catnostics believe that there is no higher power than cats but are willing to be persuaded if the evidence is presented.
This is just a brief introduction to the many and varied cat religions. Also, keep in mind, many cats follow the same religion in different ways as I demonstrated with the Catsian religions. If you wish to know more, speak to your local cat or read one of the many books on cat religions available at your local library or pet supply store.
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| | Posted 4/21/2009 3:36 PM - 13 Views - 2 eProps - 2 comments
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